I wasn’t going to write about this. I was going to pretend like it had never happened. But I write about sex as a university/college experience and I realized, in the end, I should write about it. I think it’s a legitimate fear and sometimes reality for many Uni students, especially the girls, although it clearly affects the boys as well. I know this isn’t the first time this has happened to me (although it is certainly the most dire). Warning: This got incredibly long, but I hope all the information is beneficial.
WHAT TO DO IF YOU THINK YOU’RE PREGNANT AT UNIVERSITY
1. This is incredibly easy to say and sometimes not as easy to do, but step number one is take precaution. What is the saying? An ounce of caution is worth a pound of cure? Something like that. Anyway, my point is: USE CONDOMS. Take birth control. In fact, most effectively, use condoms AND take birth control. I should hope I don’t need to remind my readers of this, but reliance on only the woman’s birth control such as the pill, the shot, or an IUD will not protect against any STIs.
If you’re curious about how to effectively put on a condom, take a look here. If you want to buy condoms which do some good in the world, take a look at One Condoms. UK readers can buy One Condoms at the Co-Op, by the way, since they aren’t available online in the UK. If you don’t think you can afford condoms and are living on Top Ramen/Cup-O-Noodles in your dorm, most campus health centers and Planned Parenthoods, as well as most free walk-in clinics, offer FREE condoms. And sometimes even lube! My secret condom supplier when I need free stuff is the gay bar my flatmates like to go to. They always have free packs of condoms and lube (next to pamphlets on how to come out to your parents and poppers safety…).
ALSO: many UK clinics/doctors are offering an implant which I believe goes in your arm, although I have very little information about it except what the doctor told me as I shook from preggo-scare-fear in his chair. I think he said it lasts three years? If anyone has information about this, let me know!
2. But if everything was perfect, I wouldn’t be writing this post, would I? I had an incident with condom breakage. Because yes, condoms do break! They are very effective when used properly but say your partner carries his in his wallet, where it isn’t exactly safe, or you accidentally use a condom which has expired, there is a chance of tearing. Or you might be a typical college kid and you’ve just had a long night out drinking, getting wasted, and blacking out, and you wake up next to some guy whose name you don’t know and you’re not sure what happened the night before, and you don’t see any condom wrappers anywhere, and you’ve forgotten to take your birth control because it’s finals week and you’re so stressed out about exams that it slipped your mind…
Well, you get the picture. Shit happens. Things don’t always go as planned. And luckily, there is an option. The “Morning After Pill”, also called Emergency Contraception, which is usually 1.5 mg dose of levenorgestrel (Plan B, Levonelle, NorLevo, Postinor-2). I imagine this is what you’ll get when you go to the pharmacy and ask for emergency contraception, as the three times I’ve had to do it, that’s what I received. Yes, three times. Twice in my drunken sophomoric youth and now, here, in the UK, when a partner and I had a condom break. But as many times as I’ve had to use it, please don’t rely on this as a form of birth control – it’s not. It should be for birth control mishaps, birth control misuses, and the odd drunken mistake (and I don’t mean a ‘mistake’ like you woke up next to that awful D-bag from your art history lecture, though you wouldn’t want his baby, anyway).
Where can you get it? I can only give advice on the USA and the UK here, but your local pharmacy should have it and willingly dispense it. It’s similarly priced in both places – about $45. Planned Parenthood also offers it (I find PP to be hard to get into in my home state and often paid the pharmacy price to avoid the long waits. Some places will be better than others, obviously). Boots in the UK has it for sure, and you can pay, or go to a walk-in clinic or GP and get a prescription to receive it free. In both countries, your campus health center should have resources either to dispense the pill or to send you to somewhere which can. I highly recommend utilizing your campus health center. This is a common issue for more students than you think and I assure you, they’ve dealt with it before and probably have exceedingly good advice about emergency contraception and contraception/safe sex in general. In all locations, they may refuse to dispense it if your worrisome sexcapade was more than 72 hours prior to your request for the pill.
Speaking of 72 hours, this is the recommended window of time in which you should get emergency contraception. GET IT AS EARLY AS POSSIBLE. Emergency contraception is more effective the sooner it is taken after sex. I don’t mean you should run out to 24-Hour pharmacy down the road ten seconds after he’s cum and you’ve got man-juice still leaking down your thigh, buuuut it is best to take it ASAP. Even just before sex is effective (though sort of weird if you already have it handy…).
For more resources on Plan B, check out the company’s website here.
3. Well, here we are. You’ve fucked up your BC, and now you’ve waited too long or are unsure about your EC. I kid, no blame placing here, because that’s where I’m at. Limbo. Purgatory. Am I or not? This is the height of Pregnancy Scare – hyperanalyzing your symptoms (was I *craving* those pickles or just hungry? Was that morning sickness or did I down too many tequila shots last night?), googling “Am I pregnant?”, and ticking down the days until your period starts.
The next step is to take a pregnancy test. Home pregnancy tests are usually quite accurate, measuring the levels of hCG in your wee. This is really best if you’ve missed a period, since that provides a timeline. The first day after your missed period will show levels of hCG, and the levels become stronger every day after that (peaking during the third month, or the 60th to 90th days).
Where do you find one? Grocery stores, pharmacies… They’re pretty widely available. My friends have all shared pretty funny, awkward stories about buying them (I bought mine with a box of tampons [just in case it comes!], two huge bars of chocolate, and a large bottle of water). To be fair, it rests on the cashier’s shoulders to be professional about your purchase and I guarantee they’ve had girls in buying them before. Also, some brands are better than others (First Response, Clear Blue), but are more expensive due to a clearer reading/higher sensitivity to hCG. That isn’t to say that grocery store brand won’t work, it just means you might not get an accurate reading until later in your cycle.
I think the two-pack is best for putting your mind at ease. At least, that’s what I’ve done this time around. It makes it easy to use one early on to sort of settle yourself and de-stress, and then if your period still hasn’t come, the second one is always there to cement the answer. I still don’t have the urge to pee yet, though, so mine is still up in the air…
Pregnancy tests can, obviously, also be done by a doctor, either with urine or blood. I haven’t had this done, but I believe they usually do a blood sample. This is much more reliable, but sometimes more nerve-wracking. Home pregnancy tests are quicker and more private, but if you do get a positive, call your doctor/go to campus health and arrange for a blood test. After you’ve had a good cry, anyway. And some ice cream.
Do bring along a sorority sister or bff, even just on your way to get the pregnancy test. Some people would rather do it alone, and I won’t knock that, but for most young women, I think it’s nice to have someone you trust around. This can be a really emotional experience, especially if it’s your first big pregnancy scare (which, for most college students, it will be). I do advise picking a friend who is supportive of sex and whatever decision you might need to make in the end, and NOT a friend who will guilt you for your sexuality or the choice you make if you are pregnant. The last stressor you want is your own friend frowning on you for something you can’t change.
4. Okay. So by now, with the condom failure, emergency contraception woes, and the big pink plus sign indicating a positive you hadn’t planned for… What now?
Well, I don’t intend this to be a post on “You’re pregnant in college, what do you do?” I think the options list is too wide and too extensive to explore in this particular post. But again, I stress campus health and Planned Parenthood (and your regular GP or doctor if you’re comfortable with that). They will always talk to you about all your options and help you make the decision that’s best for your view and your situation physically and mentally.
A quick run-down of those options is:
A) Carry the baby to term and keep it.
B) Carry the baby to term and find an adoptive family, making the decision about either an open or closed adoption process.
C) Abort the fetus (using medicine within 49 days of gestation or surgically in first 12 weeks to 16 weeks, after which it is illegal to abort in the USA).
I admit that it isn’t always the right thing to do to talk to your partner about the decision, though in any case, I do believe the man has a right to know if the baby has been carried to term. Some situations warrant not informing the partner of a decision to terminate the pregnancy (one night stands, for example, since you might have ‘accidentally’ deleted his number due to his poor finger-fucking skills or disappointing whiskey dick). In any situation, don’t forget about your mental health as well as your physical. Sometimes knowing a pregnancy termination is the right decision for you may still result in mental duress.
In any case, campus health, campus health, campus health, Planned Parenthood, Planned Parenthood, Planned Parenthood! To find your campus health center, access your school website. For your closest PP, check out the website here. These are least expensive and most helpful and readily available options for most college students. If you’re living in a dorm, these are great because they are usually nearby or accessible by public transportation, even when your usual doctor is not (after all, you may be out-of-state or even out of the country!).
I hope that was helpful – I know my first pregnancy scare at university was a horrible experience, and this one, being so far away from home, hasn’t been great either. Feel free to leave more questions in the comments and to offer any other resources if you have them!
Wish me luck, by the way… I finally have the urge to pee…
The arm implant that you were probably referring to is sold (or was; Wikipedia indicates it’s now off the market in the US at least) under the trade name Norplant, or Jadelle. Jadelle, the successor to Norplant, is effective for three years, so this is probably the one you’re thinking of.
– PB
I wonder why it is no longer sold in the US?
Interesting, I may considering it while I’m here and covered under the NHS. I think it’s a great idea and I will be in no way ready to have children for the next three years. It would be a good step. Thanks for the info!
From what I understand it had to do with two things: 1) the original pharmaceutical company’s contract running out, and 2) multiple lawsuits by women who claim they were never told about the side effects. So you may want to look into the side effects if you do go that route.
– PB
Great, great post.
The number 1 reason for condom breakage is lack of lubrication. You can never have too much lube! Stay away from spermicidally lubricated condoms, though. They break down cell walls making it more difficult to get pregnant when you actually want to and open small tears in the vaginal lining making it easier to contract STDs.
One Condoms are great, and I really, really like Crown condoms, too. They also happen to be inexpensive!
I didn’t even think about talking about that, since I tend to stay away from spermicidal condoms anyway! Thanks for that information, I had no idea they could have that long term effect.
I’m glad you mentioned that about lubrication as well – hopefully everyone who needs this post will read the comments, but I’ll just reiterate for everyone who doesn’t know: Synthetic lube (as in, not being naturally produced by your body) isn’t a negative thing. It doesn’t mean you aren’t “wet” enough or turned on enough, because even those who get incredibly wet (Britni, for example, always mentions that she’s soaked ;P) can benefit from the use of a water-based or silicon-based lube. I think a lot of people feel like if they have to use lube, someone in the sexual partnership is doing something wrong, but that is so far from the truth.
I know you know this, Britni, but for people who don’t, ONLY use water-based or silicon-based lube with condoms. Latex is not able to handle oil-based lubes and will break down, which just defeats the purpose anyway.
I forget, I know you had a lube discussion on your blog earlier, but did you end up choosing one you liked best? *runs off to find that post*
I haven’t tried Crown condoms… Gotta check if they’re available in the UK! =)
I bought Pink Water-Based, and I really like it.
This happened to me sophomore year. It’s been so long that I no longer recall anything but the fuzzies. I remember taking a home test and it was positive. I remember a good friend taking me to a clinic for a better test, also positive. At that point I believe I was in denial and panicking. It was about a week or so from the clinic visit that my friends took me to the ER – not sure if it was bleeding or severe cramping. But being there, I was still under the health insurance of my parents, so I had to tell them – even though it turned out I was miscarrying. They both drove the hour that night to come get me from the hospital and give me the lecture.
THAT was the worst part, for me. talking to them, getting the lecture.
That is definitely one of the hardest parts, I think, is being in a situation where you might have to tell your parents. I didn’t really discuss that because many times, I think a pregnancy scare is just that – a scare. It can usually be dealt with by having your close friends by your side to keep you sane and calm. Not only that, but many students who are at college are pretty far removed from their ‘rents, living in the dorms, campus housing, and often in another state.
Obviously if the scare is not just a scare, the decision to talk to your parents is often based on the decision you make regarding the future of the pregnancy. Terminating it doesn’t require a necessary lecture but keeping it might provoke some need for explanation. Since everyone has a different situation, there’s no easy way to say, “Hey! Tell your parents like this!” But, like telling your partner if you decide to keep the baby, there is a necessity to eventually “come out” as a sexually active adult to your folks.
Thanks for the great post dear. We need more sex positive students like yourself on our campus. Care to transfer?